smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
