You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
