life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
