hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
