Swine flu. Run for my life!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
