I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
