we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
