he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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