walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
