I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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