Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
this is an emotional support booty call
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
