Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
oh god the rape fog is back!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
