i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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