I think my vagina is haunted
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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