and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize