Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
