oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
