i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize