I have demons in me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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