the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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