You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
