I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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