I skipped work to stalk him.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
