Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
