When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
A+ Viking dick
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
