if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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