So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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