God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
where are my eyebrows?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
