no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
