He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
