The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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