Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
