I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
