i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
