He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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