I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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