Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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