I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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