If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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