I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
