Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
