Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
