we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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