he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
