Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
