On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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