Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize