That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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