I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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