The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
