I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
