After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
