Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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