After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
