What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
