i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
