we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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