i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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