I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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