I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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