Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
