Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
