I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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