You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
