bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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