she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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