I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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