Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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