pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
