3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
