I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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