maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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