There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
