I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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