I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
