Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
