Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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