I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
