Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
