brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
