So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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