Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
