im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
