So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
